![]() ![]() The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has a national helpline that provides free and confidential addiction treatment referral and information services if you are looking for help with alcohol addiction, substance use, or mental health. You are not alone, and there are resources to get you connected to the help you need. It is important to know that there is support and help for you. It can be hard to believe that you can heal and get better. Tell them you’re proud of them, and that they should be proud of themselves.Facing challenges with alcohol abuse and addiction can make you feel hopeless and alone. Focus on how good they’ll feel in a few hours, once the craving has passed. ![]() The most loving thing you can do is encourage them to stay on the path. This isn’t the time to suggest that they might as well have a little glass of wine. Your partner will have so many moments where they will want to give up on giving up. Take me home.” Do you say “OK, I’ll go and get the car”? Or “You can do it! I believe in you! This is really hard, but you got this! You have trained for this! It’s OK to go slowly, but don’t stop! Have some water!” Or a hot chocolate, a Lucky Saint or a Tango Ice Blast. They see you in the crowd and say, “I can’t do it! I’m giving up. You’re standing by the barriers, around Mile 12, and you see the love of your life, staggering brokenly, about to burst into tears or be sick. Imagine your partner is running the marathon. Sober, we want to be our best selves, and that’s good news for you! Check in and be honest with each other, says Daisy (Photo: supplied) Cheer them on (and don’t offer them ‘just one’) We stopped drinking because alcohol brought out the worst in us. Be honest with yourself about the benefits of having an alcohol- free partner. I’m willing to bet that they spend a lot less time complaining about their problems, and more energy actively seeking solutions. Perhaps your sober partner’s improved mood has a boosting effect on your own. You will have made all kinds of stealth gains in your relationship. But try to look for positive changes too. Don’t whine, don’t blame them and don’t make them feel as though they’re depriving you of something. It’s better to check in with your partner when you’re finding it hard, rather than waiting for your feelings to erupt. It’s completely understandable that you’ll miss the presence of alcohol in your relationship. The AA motto is “one day at a time” – bear that in mind before you sign up for a six-month pottery course. Doing something completely new will bring you closer together and help your partner to feel braver without booze. Find out which towns are an hour away and take a day trip. It’s also an opportunity to find ways to have fun that don’t revolve around drinking. (As in, waiting until the end of the week to make yourself a perfect icy martini, rather than finishing the dregs of lukewarm pinot because there’s no point putting the bottle back in the fridge.) Your partner and your liver will appreciate the effort, and you might discover that your drinking becomes more “intentional”. It could have a significant positive impact on your mood and sleep patterns. It’s a chance for you to experiment and see how you feel. There’s no-one in the world who doesn’t feel slightly better for cutting down or taking a brief booze break. Your partner doesn’t expect you to quit completely, but they’d love it if you joined them on a night off, every so often. But we really appreciate it when you try. Listen to your partner, let them know that you’re there if they want to talk. Every day, I hear about a new book, blog, delicious drink or social space for people like me. I feel profoundly grateful to have started my sobriety journey in 2022, at a time when it feels as though there’s a growing number of resources for the alcohol-free (AF). They’re not just doing this for fun (although they hope it will eventually become fun) Personally, my decision to get sober from alcohol is the first part of a lifelong quest to seek “emotional sobriety” – which means, among other things, learning not to judge, and no longer attempting to control people, places and things. I’m frankly too tired to judge the man I love for wanting to enjoy a quiet gin and tonic. ![]() ![]() I quit because I was exhausted from judging myself, all the time, and feeling ashamed of everything I did, said, and thought the night before. But most of us don’t stop drinking because we’ve decided we prefer the taste of kale smoothies. We might look at you and envy you for being able to drink two glasses of wine without having an existential crisis. Your newly sober partner is not judging you… ![]()
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